Archive for the ‘Parenting Teenagers’ Category

It’s As Simple As Asking a Question

Wednesday, May 18th, 2011

More and more I get the sense that parents feel the need to be the “Enforcer” in their home? Maybe they feel like their number one responsibility is to “make” their kids do things; and when they don’t do what is expected of them parents feel ineffective and wonder why the kids aren’t listening. Ultimately many parents then wonder what effective form of punishment they should enforce to teach their kids a lesson. Raising children that are self-disciplined, responsible and cooperative is challenging, but it can be done without the need to live in a police state. It’s done through educating children about their responsibility to themselves and others.

The word education comes from the Latin root educaré, which means, “to draw forth.” Most parents try to “stuff in” and then wonder why children don’t listen. As parents continue to lecture, tell, bribe, threaten or punish the words begin to sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher, and they go in one ear and out the other. This passive state of listening is not effective in gaining cooperation from children. Rather, if there is a shift in language from telling to asking questions a shift occurs in the child’s brain to active listening and thinking.

When parents ask curiosity questions they not only ignite the little signals in the child’s brain that remind children, “Oh, Yea, I’m suppose to take out the trash right now”, but mom and dad also get answers that deepen their understanding about why the child hasn’t actually completed the chore.  In other situations listening deeply to a child’s answers gives adults the opportunity to construct even more questions that can expand a child’s personal knowledge and understanding of themselves or the natural and logical consequences of a particular situation.

The challenge for most parents who decide to practice asking curiosity questions is just simply the act of listening or continuing to ask further questions without stepping in to tell the child what it is they are suppose to be doing or what might happen if… It’s also common to ask questions that are loaded in hopes that a parent will get the answer they are looking for, rather than the answer the child has. I encourage parents to practice asking questions and simply listening without imposing their own judgment. Some questions to ask might be:

  • What do you think is going on in this situation?
  • What is your plan?
  • What might be some benefits if you _________________?
  • What might be some consequence for _____________________?
  • What do you think are some possible solutions in your situation?

While this list is in no way exhaustive it can be a starting point. Remember that curiosity questions start with words like how, what, and why. These types of questions can also be used with very young children to help them cognitively explore their understanding of their world.

What is often of great surprise to parents is that they find out their children actually do have many answers and are paying more attention to dad and mom than we think they are. However, when adults are always lecturing at children the opportunity to hear their stories and gather their knowledge leave us believing they just don’t listen!

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Posted in Inspirations for Positive Parenting, Marni's Musings, Parenting, Parenting Teenagers, Parenting Tips, Parenting Young Children, Positive Discipline, Positive Parenting, Uncategorized, siblings | 1 Comment »

Setting and Maintaining Healthy Limits

Monday, March 7th, 2011

One of the biggest challenges parents face is setting age appropriate limits and maintaining them consistently. Here we’ll look at why, who, what and how of setting and maintaining limits. Defining limits and following through with them help parents create a safe, loving home environment where mutual respect and dignity abound.

Why do we have to set limits for our children/teens? Primarily we set limits to keep our children safe and healthy. We set limits to let children know what is socially acceptable and appropriate in particular situations. We set limits so that our children know what is expected of them, and to give them a sense of control and power over their world. We set limits to keep a sense of order because without order a child’s world can feel very overwhelming and uncertain.

Who defines or sets the limits for children/teens? I am certain everyone understands and agrees that limits are imposed on our children in all of the places they gather; in school, church, in the homes of friends and extended family, and in the community. In our homes it is the responsibility of the parents to decide what limits they will define and why. As your children get older you may consider discussing with them the limits and boundaries you set based on their maturity and level of responsibility, you will be surprised to find that your teen understands and welcomes reasonable limits.

What limits do we set as parents for our children? Let me begin here by saying that too many limits can be confining and can cause children to rebel. Children need to be able to explore, experiment and engage with their world within limits that are age appropriate for optimal growth and development. As a PCI Certified Parent Coach® I encourage parents to sit down with a piece of paper and pen and actually write out a list of absolute limits. These are things that have to do with the health and safety of the child, others, and property. These may be labeled Our Rules. This is a list of things that you have absolutely no problem following through on and maintaining with 100 percent consistency. This list will be very different for a family of teenagers than it will for a family with small children, therefore you will have to revisit these limits as your children grow and have the ability to take on more and more responsibility.

As you look back over your list you may notice that there are things that you frequently have battles over with your child/ren. Are these things absolutes; are they things that you have not been consistent about because you find that they don’t really matter that much? Are your limits realistic? It is imperative that your limits are realistic and that they can be explained and maintained in all settings. By ensuring this you set your child and yourself up for success. If your limits cannot be maintained in all settings then these may be called Our Negotiables.  By being clear about what you are willing to negotiate and what you aren’t you will have an easier time sticking to your guns.

Now that you know why you need to set limits, who sets the limits, and what limits you are going to set, comes the hard part—How do we maintain the limits? Maintaining limits requires a clear understanding of why you set them. If, for example, you don’t know why your teenager can’t stay out all night then you are going to have a really hard time sharing with him/her your expectation and getting them to follow it. Once you have a clear understanding of why you have a limit it will be much easier to share that value with your child. You will state the limit or boundary clearly and give your reason simply at the time it will be most beneficial. If your child responds in a less than desirable way, you can appreciate their disappointment, validate their frustration, and be clear in the knowledge that your limit is reasonable, and in the best interest of everyone involved. You will not get into a battle over the limits you set because there is no battle to have. Your child will understand that your limits come from a place of love and respect for who they are and who they are becoming.

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Posted in Inspirations for Positive Parenting, Parenting, Parenting Teenagers, Parenting Tips, Parenting Young Children, Positive Parenting | No Comments »

11 Tips to Soothe Sibling Rivalry

Tuesday, January 4th, 2011

If you have more than one child, or are a sibling yourself, you are more than likely aware that arguing, bickering or physically tormenting a brother or sister is simply part of the package. But, did you know that as a parent your reaction to your own children’s squabbling can contribute to sibling rivalry that may affect their relationships in negative ways for many years to come?

As parents we want nothing but the best for our children. Many of us who have more than one child may have even fantasized during pregnancy about what great friends and playmates our children would be, and that as adults they would be closest of friends. It is understandable that when our children are hurting each other’s feelings, or physically pounding on one other that we can become impatient, or even enraged by this behavior. What good does that do anyone?

Listed here are 11 tips for soothing sibling rivalry in your home. Give one or more of them a try–You’ll be glad you did!

  1. Accept sibling rivalry—we don’t all get along one hundred percent of the time and neither will our kids. Understanding that the occasional or even more frequent spat is normal and expected will help you keep your patience.
  2. Consider the age of the siblings– children at varying developmental levels have different needs. Do what you can to set up the environment so that each child get’s his or her needs met, and spend special time with each of your children individually.
  3. Allow feelings to be expressed. We don’t like to hear negative feelings, but let’s face it we all have them, and allowing them to be expressed will give you the opportunity to teach your children how to express their negative feelings in an appropriate manner.
  4. Don’t react without taking a moment to decide how and why you are going to intervene. Being mindful about why it is you are getting involved and being very clear about your desired outcome is paramount in helping children resolve their conflicts.
  5. Emotionally distance yourself from the conflict and stay neutral. Don’t choose sides or make comparisons. By maintaining neutrality you are able to validate and empathize with each child giving them the opportunity to express themselves and focus on solutions to the problem.
  6. Assist in bridging the gap in their differences by using conflict resolution skills that teach children to focus on problem solving skills.
  7. Refrain from punishing, shaming or labeling your children’s behavior—These tactics don’t teach anything about getting along with others!
  8. Model healthy relationships—the way you and your spouse or partner resolve conflicts makes a huge impact on your child’s ability to form close and meaningful relationships throughout their life.
  9. Bear it, Beat it, or Boot ‘em out! Give your children the opportunity to resolve conflicts on their own without intervening. Bear it–simply stay quiet and let them figure it out; Beat it–walk away and trust that they can resolve the problem; Boot ‘em out–send them to another room or outside and let them know you’d love them to come back and tell you how they solved their conflict.
  10. Fairness has nothing to do with it! Do not worry about everything being exactly fair. Rather, strive for equality. Each child should get what they need in time and attention from their parents.
  11. Make sure everyone’s basic needs are met. Tired, hungry or sick children don’t make the best brothers or sisters, and mommy and daddy aren’t much help if they are exhausted and overwhelmed either. Be aware of the bewitching hours in your home and plan accordingly by involving the children in other activities.
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Posted in Marni's Musings, Parenting, Parenting Teenagers, Parenting Tips, Parenting Young Children, Positive Parenting, Uncategorized, siblings | 2 Comments »

Protecting Our Children From Online Predators

Wednesday, October 13th, 2010
Posted by Amy Wettig,

The Internet has a lot to offer children.

But it’s also a threatening place with predators lurking around every corner.

1 in 5 children are sexually solicited online.

1 in 33 children are aggressively pursued by predators.

The most dangerous places are chat rooms where 65% of these incidents occurred & instant messenger where 24% of these incidents occur.

Now you ask, but what can I do to ensure that my child will not come in contact with an online predator?

If you want the truth, nothing.

I’m sorry. That is harsh & hard to hear. But these people are hard to spot & sneaky.

Now, what you can do is educate yourself & your child about what to do if they are contacted.

I can teach you the signs to watch for to possibly see if your child is engaging with an online predator.

First of all, the most important thing is to always always have open dialogue with your child. Talk to them about the dangers online, about what kind of things can happen, do happen. Contact me directly. I can give you specific examples.

Here are some other things you want to do as a parent:

-young children should not use chat rooms. As they get older, possibly well-monitered chat rooms. But I still advise against it.

- Instruct your child to Never leave the public area of the chat room. No private conversations.

- Know what your child does online. Sit with them & have them show you where they go.

- Keep the computer in a common area in the home, not in the child’s bedroom.

- Teach your children to never respond to im’s or emails from strangers

- They also shouldn’t add strangers as friends on social network sites

-Monitor your child’s email & their social networking profiles. Do it with them, not behind their backs. Make sure they know why you are doing it too.

- Instruct your child to never post their phone number or address on social network sites.

-NO webcams

Now here are some things you can look for in your teen to see if they have possibly been contacted by a predator:

-they spend a large amount of time online, aside from homework time.

-they close or switch screens when you walk in the room

-you find pornography on the computer

-they receive phone calls from people you do not know or makes calls to numbers you do not recognize, sometimes long distance.

-they receive gifts, packages, or just mail from someone you don’t know.

-they become withdrawn from family & friends

-they use someone else’s online account

Now if you think your child has been contacted, you need to remember that they are not to blame in any way. The offender always bears the complete responsibility for his actions.

Amy Wettig is a Certified Life Coach passionately committed to helping parents protect their children and teens from online predators and abuse. Please visit her blog at: http://thecoachamy.blogspot.com/
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Posted in Guest Contributors, Media Literacy for Parents, Parenting, Parenting Teenagers, Parenting Tips | No Comments »

8 Alternatives to Nagging!

Wednesday, October 6th, 2010

I am a nag! Yes, I confess, a nag. Admittedly I am less of a nag now than I once was, but a nag nonetheless.  Should you survey my daughters and my husband they will undoubtedly agree.  To be certain that we are all on the same page with what a nag is I share with you that Dictionary.com defines nag as to annoy by persistent faultfinding, complaints, or demands. Can you relate to this definition? Are you a nag, self-proclaimed or judged as such? Then keep reading because I want to share with you 8 tools that I have learned through Positive Discipline that seriously decrease my nagging time, and I’m finding greater joy in parenting because of them.

1.     Act without talking: when you need your child to cooperate with something you have asked him to do once, and he doesn’t follow through try gently putting your hand on his shoulder and walking him to the place where the task takes place. Or, when your child is doing their best to interrupt you while you are on the phone, simply reach out and rub her arm without looking at her, let her know you are aware that she needs you but you aren’t responding to her verbally right now. She’ll either stay with you while you finish your call or she’ll walk away and try again later. (Get it, you aren’t nagging—feels good, doesn’t it?)

2.     Give Limited Choices: Children want to have power and be in control, so let them. “Will you get in your car seat by yourself, or would you like me to help you?” “Would you like peas or corn for dinner?” “Do you want to wear the red shoes or the white ones?” With this we aren’t nagging either, simply giving choices and waiting while children decide for themselves. It’s a win/win.

3.      Make a reasonable request in 10 words or less, and wait for child to respond. We nagging moms can really over talk things! When we say things with fewer words children and spouses are more likely to listen. It helps to do this when there are no distractions, make sure you have your child’s complete attention when you do this.

4.     Use one word. I love this! When it is time for me to begin the laundry I simply say to my daughters, “Laundry!” and they know that means to get their laundry in the hamper, or the consequence is their clothes don’t get washed.

5.     Use a signal or leave a note for your child. I find that leaving a note for my girls works better than almost anything else I’ve tried, but of course they are old enough to read! To use a signal let’s say your children’s dirty clothes are lying in a pile on their bedroom floor; when you go to tuck them in, simply point to the pile. They know what you mean, and they will usually take care of the pile right then and there—no nagging, lecturing or telling necessary! (Obviously they need to have experience and know what to do with their dirty clothes, the expectation has to already be set up)

6.     Say how you feel: Use I messages that share with your child what you would like to have happen. “I wish the bathroom towels could be hung on the towel rack.”

7.     Give information: give your child the information they need to do what you are asking. Make sure they have the skills they need to complete the task.

8.     Describe what you see: “I see the towels are on the bathroom floor.” I have found that this takes blame and shame out of the equation. The child knows who left their towel on the floor and the one who did will fix their mistake without you nagging at them!

I hope these tools help you as much as they have me. I’d love to hear how they work for you too, so leave me a comment. Feel free to share this with others who you think might benefit too!

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Posted in Inspirations for Positive Parenting, Marni's Musings, Parenting, Parenting Styles, Parenting Teenagers, Parenting Tips, Parenting Young Children, Positive Parenting | 2 Comments »

Children Need Responsibility

Wednesday, September 29th, 2010

Are you doing too much for your children or teens? Do you feel like you are always picking up after them, delivering the “forgotten” items to school each week, wishing they helped out more around the house, wondering if it is too much to give them a few chores or responsibilities at home? If so, you’re not alone. These are common concerns for many parents today. We struggle with how to best balance our children’s busy lives with what they could/should be doing as a productive member of the family.

I am a proponent of children having chores and responsibilities in the home. Maybe I am old fashioned or maybe it’s because I grew up on a cattle ranch and we all had to do our fair share of work as animals and land don’t wait. We all lived and worked together for a common goal and for the common good of the family.  I learned at a very young age that work always comes before play. And when the work was done we played hard and enjoyed the fruits of our labor.  This has instilled in me a work ethic that is hard to come by in today where we hire gardeners, housekeepers, painters, handymen, etc. to do the work we either don’t want or can’t do ourselves.

Giving your children a few chores to do around the house on a regular basis, or delegating to them a particular task teaches a great deal. They learn social responsibility, life skills and work ethic. Children also acquire a sense of significance and belonging when they are part of something else. It goes without saying that children can certainly benefit from learning the skills necessary to take care of a home, after all they will one day. Completing a task successfully also provides the child with a sense of accomplishment and pride while strengthening the connections within the family.

Children at a very early age can help with small things around the house. Preschoolers can sort laundry, take their dishes to the counter, put the silverware on the table, place their dirty clothes in the hamper, and hang their towel on the rack. Older children can be in charge of entire tasks such as setting the table, sorting the laundry and starting the machine, putting their own clothes away, keeping their toys picked up…the possibilities are as endless as your to do list. These chores and responsibilities do not need to be contained to indoors only either. Yard work is an excellent source of task ideas. Who knows, you may start a life long love of gardening. And what about that car that so desperately needs to be washed?

I know many of you are saying, “Yea right! How am I going to get my angst driven teenager to start doing chores around here now?” Well, quite truthfully, if they have never had any before there will probably be some resistance. Anytime you implement change in behavior or expectations everyone will need some time to adjust. I believe that family meetings are an excellent and productive way to share new thoughts or ideas within a family. Guidelines about how to manage a family meeting can be found on line, or you can create your own. Family meetings can be as creative as the individual family. The ground rules are quite simple: everyone gets a change to speak and be heard and you come to some sort of agreement or compromise as the solution.

Children will be most successful with the completion of the task if they have buy-in, meaning that they actually got to make a choice about which chore they will do based on a list either created by you or as a family. It is also necessary to take adequate time to train your child to do the task. By taking time for training you ensure the standard and set them up for success.  Keep in mind the abilities of your child and allow for some wiggle room with “standard” the first time around. Once your child has finished the task be gracious and share with them how nice it was for you that they shared in the workload around the house.

So what are you waiting for? Go ahead and take a look at your lengthy to do list and ask yourself which tasks your children can easily do and ask them to help you out.  You may just find that they enjoy the responsibility and are proud that you asked for their help!

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Posted in Marni's Musings, Parenting, Parenting Teenagers, Positive Parenting | 2 Comments »

Who’s Getting Your Child Out of Bed?

Thursday, September 23rd, 2010

Do you have a tough time getting your child up in the morning? Do you return to their room time and time again to hear the same retort over and over, “I know, I’m getting up!” During this last week this topic has come up in everyday conversations with parents, in my coaching practice and in my parenting classes, so, I figure if something is coming up that often it must be a concern for lots of parents. I hope to shed some light on this topic and reframe your thinking about whose job it is to get your child of bed each day.

I must first be completely transparent here and tell you I hate to get out of bed in the morning, and always have. I understand what it feels like to want to push the snooze bar just one more time, or put the pillow back over my head and pretend it will all go away.  Wish as I might, this is not an option. I have responsibilities to tend to, my children, my career, my pets etc. that will not wait for me while I sleep the day away.

Getting ourselves up and going everyday is a skill we all need to be functioning adults. We don’t have our parents knocking on our doors, calling on the phone (okay, I do, but that’s a whole other blog post!), or shaking our bodies when it is time for us to get up. And, as parents, it is important for us to teach our children this skill without getting into power struggles. The sooner you start teaching your children that it is their responsibility to get out of bed the easier your mornings will be, and the better prepared for the real world your adult child will be.

Regardless of what age your child is now, kindergarten or beyond, it is important to have a discussion or family meeting about the importance of learning to get yourself up and going each day.  Let them know that as a parent it is your job to teach them how to get along when you are not around, and you will not be coming in their room to get them up any longer. Ask them to share their ideas on finding a solution to this situation. In many families an alarm clock is purchased the first day of kindergarten and becomes an important life tool. Kids love technology and they love being in control and involved in the process of purchasing a gadget, and learning to use it!

Now the hard part—you must have faith and trust that your child can and will get themselves up for school. A mom recently shared with me that her teenage daughter is very difficult to get out of bed, and because of this their mornings are rushed and mom is often irritated and annoyed by the time everyone gets out of the house. She shared with me that her belief had been that her daughter could not get out of bed by herself. Then one day when her daughter hadn’t had a chance to shower at night before going to bed, the typical routine in the home, she was up and in the shower before mom was even out of bed! What did this mom learn? Her daughter is capable and can get herself out of bed in the morning—when it is important to her to do so.  Mom now has faith and is ready to create effective change in the home thereby teaching her daughter a skill for life.

Some key things to consider when you are ready to make the change in your home to letting your child get themselves up and out of bed:

  • Is the nighttime routine consistent and effective?
  • Are your children getting enough sleep?
  • How much time does each child realistically need to get ready in the morning—this depends on the speed at which your child moves in the morning!

Just imagine the joy you will feel as a parent when you know your child will go to college able to get themselves up and going every day!

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Posted in Marni's Musings, Parenting, Parenting Teenagers, Positive Parenting, Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

Are Your Children on a “Race to Nowhere”

Tuesday, September 14th, 2010

School just started and I’m wondering if your children are already complaining about headaches or stomachaches in the morning? Maybe you are even hearing those horrible words, “I don’t want to go to school, or I hate school!”  As a parent hearing these things from our children can make us feel worried, concerned, challenged and often powerless. We want children to enjoy school.  The majority of all parents I work with want their children to have a lifelong love of learning, yet their children, many at very young ages, are already complaining of psychological and somatic symptoms due to the pressure to perform in school.

Our family has certainly experienced this stress. At various times throughout their youth both of my daughters have complained of physical symptoms, and often times there have been tears shed over the shear amount of homework. Family vacations and holidays have had the added stress of hours and hours of homework, not too mention lugging the pounds of textbooks and school supplies on airplanes and road trips. My husband and I have struggled with the desire to rescue our children knowing that by doing this we weren’t helping anyone.

My daughters struggle to find a healthy balance between the things they love to do, such as sports, visual and performing arts, socializing with their friends, and the desire to do well in school. As a parent coach, educator and family consultant I intellectually know that this struggle to manage ones time between the things we want to do and the things we need to do is something we must all learn. It’s a skill most commonly referred to as time management.

Can our students really learn about time management when they are in school for 7 hours a day and then come home to 4 to 6 hours of additional homework? Are we sending a message to our young people that they should be well-rounded human beings with a love of learning and a variety of healthy interests, or are we telling them that in order to be successful they must be workaholics and perform to the standards set forth by someone else?

A powerful documentary Race to Nowhere by Vicki Abeles shares with us the latest research and first hand stories of children, teens and families who have been pushed to and over the edge by the overwhelming need to perform in our current education system.  This movie is beautifully done. It is poignant and masterfully created. Not only does the movie define the problem, but at the end actually gives everyone ways to get involved and help change the state of our education system. Whether you are a parent, student, educator, administrator or simply a concerned individual about the future of our nation—you must see this.

I invite you to take a look at their website http://www.racetonowhere.com/ and join the movement.

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Posted in Marni's Musings, Parenting, Parenting Teenagers | 5 Comments »

You Can Create a Hassle Free Back to School!

Monday, August 16th, 2010

The girls and I just returned from a wonderful mother-daughter vacation. We visited 5 prospective universities and drove over 3000 miles visiting 5 states! We spent time relaxing, reading, floating rivers, site seeing, and enjoying lots of family and friends. And now, here we are, back to reality! I have a pile of bills on my desk, papers to manage, phone calls to return, emails to answer, laundry to do, shopping and meal planning, and the list goes on and on… But at the top of my list, and I’m sure at the top of yours right now, is the preparation it takes to make the back to school season a huge success for our family. It’s time to get everyone back on a routine and feeling comfortable and confident that we all have what we need to be a successful team player in our home as school begins.

I want to share with you a punch list of the things we do each year in our home to prepare for the shock of that morning alarm clock and the endless days of activity and excitement that come with the first day of school:

  • Make adjustments to bed times now. (did you know, teenagers need 9.5 hours of sleep per night) A great way to do this is to start the week before school begins and make a plan to go to bed 15 or 20 minutes earlier each night until you are back to your set bedtime. This will help minimize the morning struggle too!
  • Get those school supplies ready! Most schools make available a list of items each student will need.
  • Set up a homework area. This space should be comfortable, well lit, free from distraction and equipped with the tools and supplies each student needs to successfully complete their homework. Music might be nice too!
  • Stock the pantry with healthy snacks and non-sugary drinks. If your house is anything like mine you might also have to be prepared for the impromptu homework party with starving teenagers!
  • Have a family meeting to discuss everyone’s new schedules, and what that means to family meal times and transportation needs.
  • Work together to create a household job list and ask for each family to volunteer to do one or two jobs each day. This makes your home run more smoothly and gives kids the opportunity to learn cooperation and responsibility.
  • Be an active participant in your child’s education. Show them you care by asking specific questions about their day. Stay informed about their academics as well as their social activities without smothering them or being in charge! Remember, the number one predictor of learning success is parent involvement.

As I close I want to leave you with a couple of questions about this school year. What one life skill or characteristic would you like your child or teen to learn this year? What will it take for you to support that learning?

I would love for you to share what it is you do to prepare your family for a successful back to school, so please feel free to leave a comment.

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Our First Fender Bender

Friday, April 23rd, 2010

The cell phone rings, and of course I am way too busy at the moment to take a call from anyone. It’s her special ring, the piano riff, and instantly I get that feeling in the pit of my stomach that only a mother knows. “Mom can you come to the corner of Cota and Rhoda Way?”

“What do you need, Honey?” I ask in hopes that the question will reveal an answer different than the one I knew I was going to hear.

“I’ve been in a little accident, but everyone’s okay.” I then breathe a sigh of relief. At that moment she says something I am certain I haven’t heard in a long time, and quite possibly thought I’d never hear again, “Mom, I need you.”

I know that this teenage driving thing is risky, but I really didn’t believe that only two months after getting her drivers license, my baby would be involved in her first fender bender. Nor, would I have ever believed that a minor accident could possibly bring her father and I to a greater understanding of the vulnerability still alive in our seventeen year-old daughter. On the exterior she appears as though she can take on the world. She is strong, confident, intelligent, dedicated and committed to many a cause, but she still needs us.

I could have very easily made a big deal out of this accident as it is financially going to be a challenge for our family, and because I have reminded her time and time again about looking over her left shoulder. Among many things, I could have yelled at her, and punished her by taking her car away. However, I chose to take a different path, I chose to make this a lesson in learning from mistakes rather than learning about how scared, angry, upset or disappointed she can make her father and I feel. This lesson isn’t about her dad and I, it is a lesson in life from which she needs to learn.

Our little girl is growing up. She is now learning how to right a wrong in a very different way than she did in her primary years, but none the less, using the same tools and skills. She is learning more about being a careful driver, about insurance companies, about auto body shops and. most importantly, that she can rely on the ones who love her even when she thinks the worst thing in the world has just happened.

As a family we are learning more about gratitude. We are so grateful that neither the people in the other car or Sierra were injured in our first fender bender. Life is beautiful, and we must pay attention to the parenting lessons that come our way everyday, and make conscientious choices about what we learn and teach from them.

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Posted in Marni's Musings, Parenting Teenagers, Positive Parenting | 2 Comments »