Archive for the ‘Parenting’ Category

Getting My Groove Back!

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010

I am thoroughly enjoying that the girls are back in school. My routines are falling back into place quite nicely. As a WAHM I found this past summer to be very challenging. Have you ever had one of those days when you had every intention of completing at least one thing on your to do list, and the next thing you know it’s three o’clock in the afternoon, you’re still in your pajamas sitting at the computer, and not a single thing you needed to accomplish is done. How does this happen when you’ve been working for hours? As a WAHM I have welcomed the return of the school year with much more zeal than I ever did when I worked outside the home.

I actually questioned whether the excitement I was feeling was normal, and I must confess I felt a bit guilty when I was more excited about buying school supplies than my daughters were!

Not only do I find it much easier to focus on my work, and I’m accomplishing tasks in about half the time I did during the summer, but better yet, I have much more time to focus on the kind of mom I want to be when my girls get home from school each day. I am able to meet their needs with more patience and love because mine have systematically been met.

In my work with children and families I frequently talk about the importance of structures, systems and routines when it comes to raising confident, well-adjusted children, and now I’m realizing that it is just as important for mom!

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You Can Create a Hassle Free Back to School!

Monday, August 16th, 2010

The girls and I just returned from a wonderful mother-daughter vacation. We visited 5 prospective universities and drove over 3000 miles visiting 5 states! We spent time relaxing, reading, floating rivers, site seeing, and enjoying lots of family and friends. And now, here we are, back to reality! I have a pile of bills on my desk, papers to manage, phone calls to return, emails to answer, laundry to do, shopping and meal planning, and the list goes on and on… But at the top of my list, and I’m sure at the top of yours right now, is the preparation it takes to make the back to school season a huge success for our family. It’s time to get everyone back on a routine and feeling comfortable and confident that we all have what we need to be a successful team player in our home as school begins.

I want to share with you a punch list of the things we do each year in our home to prepare for the shock of that morning alarm clock and the endless days of activity and excitement that come with the first day of school:

  • Make adjustments to bed times now. (did you know, teenagers need 9.5 hours of sleep per night) A great way to do this is to start the week before school begins and make a plan to go to bed 15 or 20 minutes earlier each night until you are back to your set bedtime. This will help minimize the morning struggle too!
  • Get those school supplies ready! Most schools make available a list of items each student will need.
  • Set up a homework area. This space should be comfortable, well lit, free from distraction and equipped with the tools and supplies each student needs to successfully complete their homework. Music might be nice too!
  • Stock the pantry with healthy snacks and non-sugary drinks. If your house is anything like mine you might also have to be prepared for the impromptu homework party with starving teenagers!
  • Have a family meeting to discuss everyone’s new schedules, and what that means to family meal times and transportation needs.
  • Work together to create a household job list and ask for each family to volunteer to do one or two jobs each day. This makes your home run more smoothly and gives kids the opportunity to learn cooperation and responsibility.
  • Be an active participant in your child’s education. Show them you care by asking specific questions about their day. Stay informed about their academics as well as their social activities without smothering them or being in charge! Remember, the number one predictor of learning success is parent involvement.

As I close I want to leave you with a couple of questions about this school year. What one life skill or characteristic would you like your child or teen to learn this year? What will it take for you to support that learning?

I would love for you to share what it is you do to prepare your family for a successful back to school, so please feel free to leave a comment.

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Are you equipped to help your child build healthy relationships?

Monday, July 12th, 2010

It takes a lot of compassion and empathy to be a parent, especially when it comes to helping our children cope with the social challenges of growing up. As adults we all know that friendships change in many different ways. Often relationships can become stronger while others may dissolve altogether. Children are just learning this lesson, and we can’t protect them from the pain of inevitable change.  What we can do, however, is help them process and cope with the change. By asking thoughtful questions from your heart about what your child is  thinking, feeling and deciding about a particular situation they can come up with some of their own ideas about how to best deal with the situation.

Validate and empathize the feelings of your child, or help them give language to their feelings. As a society we are not comfortable talking about negative feelings, but I encourage you to do just that. Help your child build an emotional language so that they can express themselves in productive ways. Giving your child a journal to write about their experiences, and honoring their privacy with this journal will also promote healthy social and emotional limits for your child or teen.

I also find that sharing personal stories about our own experiences can be beneficial in helping a child process their experience, and lets them know we have all been there. Lecturing or getting on a soapbox about what your child should do, or judging how they are behaving is not healthy, nor is going to help.

Most important is to continue to honor, respect and love your child as they continue to experience the unconditional relationship that exists between the two of you, and model healthy relationships in your own life.

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Absolute Fairness Isn’t a Reality!

Thursday, June 3rd, 2010

Fairness can be a hot button for many people. Often the feelings and ideas one has of equity and fairness from childhood can dictate how this issue is handled in a family. If you are an adult who knows that the issue of fairness is something you have a difficult time with, I would encourage you to go a little deeper for greater awareness and understanding about how you want to handle it with your own children. There are some things, however, you can do to help your child cope with their own developing constructs of fairness and justice.

When your child says, “That’s not fair”, listen to them and validate their feelings. Often times this can be all the child needs to move forward. You might say something like, “You are feeling like you aren’t being treated the same, and that is upsetting you.” You can also encourage your child to dig a bit deeper about their own sense of fairness by asking questions about how they are feeling, or maybe how they would handle the situation differently if they were the parent. Let them tell you why they think things are unfair. Give them in fantasy what they can’t have in reality. “If you had a magic wand and you could make everything fair wouldn’t that be great? What would everyone have first?” It is also important to share your rationalization about what the child finds unfair, but you do not need them to accept your reasons.

Refrain from making fairness something that you perpetuate between your children. We all know that absolute fairness and equality are not a reality, and it is an important bit of information your children need to understand while growing up. Children can learn that life is not fair, and they can learn solutions to solve problems of inequality. Do not attempt to rescue or fix things for your child when they feel like something is unfair. It is simply important that you understand their feelings and listen to them.

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Helping Children Cope with BIG EMOTIONS

Friday, March 19th, 2010

Do your children know how to handle their BIG emotions? Most people, whether aware of it or not, think that children should be seen and not heard especially when unhappy. Giving your children the tools to deal with difficult emotions is, in my opinion, of the most important gifts we can give. Daniel Goleman, Ph.D. and author of Emotional Intelligence, and more recently Social Intelligence, speaks of the need in our society to develop social and emotional intelligence skills in our children and us, because the lack of these skills can in fact be toxic. He also affirms that emotions are contagious, especially when we are not in control of our own. (more…)

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Setting Limits With Love and Respect

Friday, February 12th, 2010

One of the biggest challenges I believe that parents face is setting age appropriate limits and maintaining them consistently. In this post we will look at the why, who, what and how of setting and maintaining limits thereby creating a safe, loving home environment where everyone knows what is expected. In this article I refer to children, but these same principles and ideas are applicable to your teenagers. (more…)

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Do you practice good parenting?

Monday, February 8th, 2010

We are constantly bombarded with messages about how important it is to be an effective parent–look at me, I am part of the bombardment, LOL! Advice is all around us in the form of self-help and how to parenting books, newspaper articles, reality tv shows etc., but do we really pay attention? Do we practice the skills we are learning, or do we resort back to old habits that are ineffective? (more…)

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